Ode to Our Western River Guides

We have just returned from a great adventure: rafting down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon for six days.  This is the first post of many to document that unique event on which we were accompanied by oh-so-interesting people.  The trip coincided with my birthday…a celebration I will never forget!


Ode to Our Western River Guides

There once were four great guides in a gorge

All down the Colorado they forged

Over the rapids we pitched

On every fire line we bitched

But each of them joked and encouraged


The leader of the pack was called Mark

To his every word we all did hark

He was tall and stoic

His grilling heroic

He led us through the national park


And on J6 was Scott the singer

He was the entertainment ringer

After all the chicken shells

Set up, break down, dinner bells

Someday in Nashville he will linger


The captain of nineteen was the Shad

Many tales both true and ‘un’ he had

A few words were bologna

But he knew schist from tuna

And all his stories made us so glad


The first mate on nineteen was Travis

He’s back on the river, no novice

He had to carry our crap

Both to the bushes and back

But his jokes delighted all of us


For a vacation Jason had hope

But the rest of the crew said, “Oh, nope”

Driving boats he was not able

He sat up and broke down tables

Still he ran rocks like a mountain goat


The crew treated us as queens and kings

They told us of rocks and other things

Riding the waves like demons wild

Cooking our meals like Julia Child

WR boys show all the canyon brings


There once were four guys in a canyon

Rafting along as close companions

They worked from day break to night

To ensure our trip was right

And we salute them as our champions


Happy Birthday

After a certain age, celebrating birthdays becomes more difficult.  You probably should not eat too much cake (still on that diet, you know) and ice cream is taboo (lactose-intolerance).  Dancing is out of the question (post-knee surgery recuperation), while you can’t even contemplate extreme activities, like bungee jumping or snow skiing.

Getting up early to go to IHop for over-the-top pancakes is also painful, due to both creaky muscles while climbing out of bed and the inevitable onset of indigestion afterward.  Going to bed late after a night out is particularly awful, especially if you have more than one glass of wine, not to mention a steak dinner that sits on your stomach like a stone all night long.  Besides, restaurants are too noisy and you can’t hear anything anyone says to you anyway.  In addition, if it is in one of those restaurants where they bring you a candle stuck in a day-old brownie as a gift while you have to wear a funny hat and the entire wait staff sings to you, then you wish you had never gone in the first place.

You receive only a few cards and phone calls congratulating you on reaching this milestone, because there are fewer people you know who are still around to contact you.  What’s more, you can’t hear people talking on the phone and you always get a paper cut when opening an envelope because you can’t ever remember where the letter opener is.

You’ve already ‘been there, done that’ for roller skating, sleepovers, and movie dates.  Nevertheless, I wish you a very Happy Birthday!!